Close, but not close enough at the Olympics
Published Tuesday August 26th, 2008
For the last two weeks, millions of people around the world have been glued to their television sets as athletes world-wide competed in the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China.
Thousands upon thousands of fans filled the Water Cube, the Bird’s Nest and other venues to cheer on their favourite competitors. As of Wednesday, the United States topped the list of countries with 79 medals, followed by China with 76. Canada’s medal count stood at 13.
The Canadians placed fourth, just off the podium and out of the medals in many events – close, but close is not good enough to medal.
One of the major sponsors of the Games was McDonalds. I wonder how much ground beef the Chinese people and their guests from all over the world consumed over the two weeks of the Games. Television reports estimated 91,000 people filled the Bird’s Nest for opening ceremonies. If each person ate one burger, it would take a few tons of ground beef to feed this hungry bunch. The Games put a fair chunk of change in the pockets of McDonalds employees.
The big yellow M is known around the world as the symbol for the eat-in or take-out restaurant. McDonalds was the official restaurant of the 2008 Games.
Jewelry and cash
Did you notice the expensive gold and diamond jewelry worn by the athletes at the Games? The sponsors must be ringing in the dollars when one considers, for example, the cool million Michael Phelps picked up for swimming to eight gold medals.
Phelps’s face will soon be seen on cereal boxes. Phelps will be featured on Kellogg’s frosted flakes and Kellogg’s corn flakes. The boxes will be available in mid-September.
Only in Canada...
Test your knowledge of Canada 1. Who was called The Voice of Doom, but later was the star of one of television’s most popular westerns? 2. Who wrote the poem In Flanders Fields? 3. You are playing golf in N.B. You hit the ball in Canada and it lands in United States. What golf course are you playing? 4. What was the Newfie Bullet? 5. What are the Bugaboos? 6. In the Atlantic Provinces there are widows’ walks. What are they? 7. Is Alouette? the name of a bird, a song or a football team? 8. What is a Prairie Oyster? Answers: (1) Lorne Green (2) John McCrae (3) Aroostook Valley Country Club, Four Falls in N.B. (4) A slow train which ran from Port-aux-Basques to St. John’s (5) Ski area in the mountains of southeastern British Columbia (6) Little railed platforms on the roofs of houses (7) All of them (8) A raw egg swallowed whole or drunk in vinegar or brandy.
Pinning Down The Didees (sic)
Soon after his first child was born Yogi Berra called fellow baseball player Jimmy Piersall, who had nine children, and asked him for a few tips on changing diapers.
“Yogi, “ explained Piersall, “you take the diaper and put it in the shape of a baseball diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home.
Take the baby’s bottom and put it on the pitcher’s mound. Then pin first base and third base to home plate.
“That’s easy,” said Berra. “I can do that.”
“Wait a minute, Yogi,” cautioned Piersall. “One thing about this game – when it starts to rain there is no postponement.”
House By The Side Of The Road
There are hermit souls that live withdrawn in the place of their selfcontent There are souls like stars that dwell apart in a fellowless firmament There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths where highways never ran – But let me live by the side of the road and be a friend to man Let me live in a house by the side of the road where the race of men go by – The men who are good and the men who are bad – as good and as bad as I I would not sit in the scorner’s seat or hurl the cynic’s ban – Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend to man I see from my house by the side of the road, by the side of the highway of life The men who press with the ardour of hope, the men who are faint with the strife But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears – both part of an infinite plan Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend to man.
I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead and mountains of wearisome height That the road passes on through the long afternoon and stretches away to the night But still I rejoice when the travellers rejoice, and weep with the strangers that moan Nor live in my house by the side of the road like a man who dwells alone.
Let me live in my house by the side of the road, it’s here the race of men go by They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong – wise, foolish – so am I Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat or hurl the cynic’s ban? Let me live in my house by the side of the road and be a friend to man.
Weekly smile
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and a customer intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of poultry, so she complained to the meat manager.
“Don’t worry, lady,” he said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.”
Several aisles later, the woman heard the meat manager’s voice boom over the PA system: “Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store?”
The last word
Life is a steady progression from wanting to know where babies come from to trying to figure out where the money goes.
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